Women’s guide to first-time sex

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Do it when you are ready

Sex is supposed to be fun, and enjoyable. Don’t stress out about the ‘when’. Think about the person you are going to be with. Make it special by picking the right time for both of you. It is important for you and your partner to be ready – mentally, physically and emotionally – for the step. Moreover, there is no pressure to do it on the date that you have decided. It may or may not happen, so just go with the flow.

Protection first

Probably the most important part of the whole ‘first time’ experience, protection is a must! Because not only does it keep unwanted pregnancies at bay, it also protects you from STDs. You can choose your method – condoms, birth control pills or a diaphragm. Condoms are the best and easiest option because they protect you from STDs and help avoid pregnancies. Buy them in advance and keep them handy, so that you don’t have to rummage through stacks of stuff to get to them. Since they are to be used when your man has an erection, having to search for them can put a dent in the mood. It is also advisable not to depend on the man to buy them. By having them with you, you are more in control of the situation. Read more about birth control. You may also like to read about 5 myths and facts about birth control pills.

Every woman does not bleed

In India, there is a great premium on the ‘virginity’ of a girl and the way that most people think that they can identify a virgin, is  by seeing if she bleeds the first time she has sex. This is just a myth. All women DO NOT bleed during their first time. This is because the hymen is an extremely delicate tissue that is present across the mouth of the vagina. This hymen can split very easily, even while doing the most normal things like during running, jumping, cycling, swimming, exercising and a variety of other things. Also in some women this tissue is congenitally absent (absent from birth). So don’t link blood to virginity. If there are any questions about a woman’s virginity quell them before you have sex, not after. You may like to read about virginity test for women — are they accurate?

Virginity woes

First off, if both of you are virgins, know that it will be awkward and not all that perfect. It will definitely feel good, but not all that great. It takes a while for two people to get into sync and know what the other one likes and does not. So ease into the situation, relax and enjoy each other. Don’t rush into the ‘penetration’ part of things. Just let it happen and don’t hurry through other things like foreplay. If you are a virgin and your man is not, tell him that. Do not hide the fact from him. Tell him to be gentle and understand that you might be a little afraid. As a man make sure that your woman is ready for the step, she should want it and not be pressured into it. Also remember that if she backs out at the last moment, it is not that she doesn’t want you, it means that she is not yet ready. Think of it this way, if she is not comfortable, the whole process will not be fun – for both of you.

Pain need not be a hurdle

Pain during your first time is normal. Like I said there might be bleeding. But remember that the pain is different for different women and anxiety about the pain just makes the situation worse. Moreover, the pain goes away after a short period of time and you will feel pleasure. So relax, enjoy the moment, and indulge in foreplay – lots of it.  It not only heats up the ‘sex’ part of things, it also lubricates the vagina and makes penetration smoother and less painful. A dry vagina can lead to painful sex.

Foreplay is as important as sex itself

The most important thing about this part is that it is just that – foreplay, so have fun while you are at it. It can be anything from dirty talk to touching and kissing. Experiment with your boundaries and see what your partner likes. And don’t forget to tell him what you like, it will not only help guide him through the process, but it will definitely get him in the mood. If this is the first time you and your man are having sex there is a possibility that he might ejaculate during foreplay itself. Don’t feel bad or make him feel guilty, just take a break and try again.

To shower or not

So this may seem mundane, but there are those niggling worries in your head like – ‘Should I have extra sheets on hand?, ‘Should I change the sheet after?’, ‘ Should we both have a shower before/after sex?’ – especially if both of you are virgins. Well, here are your answers:

If you do it on the bed, know that you might have to change the sheets as there might be a bit of blood. If the sheets are not dirtied, there is no need to change them after you have had sex. Also, a shower before getting into the action is a good idea. Not only will a hot shower help heat things up between the sheets it will also clean up your private parts and help both of you feel fresh. You may opt to have a shower after the act if you like, but remember to wash your genitals with warm water and soap after the act. This will keep any possible infections at bay, and get you ready for the next time.

Spice up the mood

You might have envisioned your first time to be like a fairy tale, but in some cases sourcing the beach and a sunset might be difficult. So do the best with what you have. Get some nice pleasant and romantic music to intensify the mood. You can add a few scented candles and chocolate to the mix for that added effect. One of the best ways to spice things up is to encourage each other to express what they like and what they don’t – it is a great way to get the dirty talk going. More importantly don’t get swayed by what you see in porn or what your friends might tell you about the experience. Remember, everyone responds differently to different things, so pave your own path and make your own memories.

So, the first time need not be a total bust. It can be fun and absolutely amazing. Just remember to be ready, have protection at hand and a convenient place to do it.

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