Having sex – be it for the first time or after the initial steps have been crossed – can be a complicated affair. Most people don’t know how to have sex and we get a number of questions asking us about the same. So, to help you decipher that sexual code, here is a step-by-step guide on how to have sex.
Step #1: Find out if the person wants to have sex: This is the most important part about a good sexual experience. If one of the partners is not ‘in the mood’ or does not want to have sex it can lead to the entire process turning sour. Not to mention the fact that it can leave you or your partner with a sense of being violated or used. So, find out if he/she wants to have sex. Some common indicators you should look out for is if the person seems keen on being with you physically, touches you or increases his/her proximity to you. Although these are signs, please remember that you must not misread the signals and sometimes asking is the best way to know.
Step #2: Be prepared: Sex is a wonderful thing. It’s pleasurable and makes you feel happy. It also has a number of other health benefits like helping you burn calories and beating depression. It’s no wonder that we are the only species that has sex for pleasure and not solely procreation. But with all that fun come problems like unwanted pregnancies, STDs and emotional setbacks. So being prepared is your best option. Carry a condom, have that contraceptive pill and remember that you need to be mentally ready for the act. Sex brings people closer. That’s just the way humans are biologically made. So if you are planning to have a one-night stand or are taking the first step towards a committed relationship remember that you should have your mind in sync with what your body wants. One good way to do this is to talk about it. Ask your partner if they have protection (if you don’t, go out and buy some, there are a lot of options to choose from), talk to him/her about what you believe this could lead to and most importantly be honest about how you perceive the act (whether it is something you just want to do for pleasure with no strings attached or something more serious.). Remember, condoms are made for one time use. You cannot use one condom repeatedly so make sure you buy enough, just in case you plan to go at it more than once. Read more about 5 reasons to have sex right now!
Step #3: Choose the location and set the mood: Sex is an intimate act, at least it should be. So pick a spot where both of you will be uninhibited, especially if it’s your first time. Pick a place that is private and has a comfortable place to have sex in. A good soft bed with mood lighting always helps the cause (unless you plan to tread on an experimental path). So splurge a little bit. Remember pleasure does come at a cost.
Step #4: Approach the person gently and do not seem too desperate: Coming on too strongly or being pushy about having sex is one of the biggest turn offs. So don’t seem desperate (even if you are dying to be with the person), allow the other person some space to express their feelings as well. You should definitely show that you are interested in getting physically intimate but back off if you feel the other person is not reciprocating. Sex should be a choice so let them choose. If the two of you are close enough you could simply ask him/her. It will be a risk worth taking. Read more about How often should you have sex to get pregnant?
Step #5: Kiss and caress: The first step towards physical intimacy is kissing. Most women love to kiss and a passionate kiss can definitely put her in the mood for some more. Moreover being close, kissing, touching and caressing your partner helps stimulate their erogenous zones which will lead to more pleasurable sex. It also leads to a stronger sense of closeness and safety – two emotions that help a person perform better in bed. So touch him/her, kiss and make your partner wanted. This is also another way to help quell the person’s body image issues (if they have any), making them more comfortable in your presence.
Step# 6: Have a lot of foreplay: This is where you can either choose to remove your clothes or have your partner undress you. Another way to go about it is to remove one piece of clothing at a time, making the entire process a mystery. When it comes to foreplay, most people think that sex is only penetrative. But the act does include foreplay. Foreplay, as the name suggests is what you do before you have sex. It includes fondling, kissing, stimulating your partner’s erogenous zones and oral sex as well. Make sure you get enough of this in. It is often the most enjoyable part of the whole sexual experience because the two of you can experiment with a number of methods. Tip for men: Women can orgasm multiple times. So pleasure your woman, she will definitely be in the mood for some more and thank you for it in more ways than one. Tip for women: Most men love to be touched as well, so make him feel good. Touch him, kiss him and feel his entire body. Don’t hold back and don’t be the only one hogging all the pleasure.
Step#7: Pick the right moment: The right moment to have penetrative sex is usually felt and is often mutual. Pick the moment when your partner really wants to move on to the next step. In some cases asking if the other person is ready or if he/she wants more is a good way to know when it’s time. Once you know that he/she is ready, take it to the next level. Read more about What’s the best time of the day to have sex?
Step #7: Insertion: This is the most hyped part about sex and is often believed to be the only thing that happens during it. But there’s nothing further from the truth. In this step the penis is inserted into the vagina. Tip for men: The vagina is an elastic organ present just below the woman’s vulva (external lips of her genitals). If you are having protective sex, make sure you wear a condom before you insert your penis into her vagina. A number of men get the position wrong and tend to ‘look around’ with their penis (try to penetrate without knowing where the vagina is) this can be painful for the woman. So a good way to find the vagina without being embarrassed is to ask your partner to help you.
Step#8: Love making: Once the initial penetration is complete, you can choose to have sex however you both are comfortable. Men, make sure you thrust (your penis into her vagina) in rhythmic motions and do it from the hip; this will ensure your woman gets the maximum pleasure. Moving your entire body is counterproductive.Most importantly listen to your partner and your body. Allow yourself to feel pleasure and make sure you take your partner’s pleasure into consideration and make her happy too. Tip for women: Be proactive in bed. Move when your man moves. Thrusting can be pleasurable and even more so when you both are doing it in sync and together. Tell your man what you do and don’t like. Also, make sure you pleasure him as well. No one likes someone who hogs all the pleasure for themselves.
Step #9: Last few moments: Once you both have climaxed or the sex is about to get over, you both will most probably be in a state of elation. Allow yourselves to be in that state for as long as you need to be. Remember this is the phase where you can choose to hold each other or simply be next to each other. Don’t rush things; let your body come back to its normal state. Rushed sex can be exciting sometimes but if it is done on a regular basis it can leave you feeling a bit incomplete. Tip for men: Most women like to be held or cuddled at this point. Indulge her. After all she has been a partner in your sexual romp. Tip for women: If you liked the experience, tell your partner that. There is nothing like an ego boost after a good time between the sheets.
Step #10: Winding up: The post coital part can be lovely in some cases and awkward in others. So try to make your partner comfortable. Give him/her a t-shirt to wear, flirt a little and tell him/her how good the experience was. Smile and share a laugh together. This could be the best time to make a good friend or a partner for life. So use the opportunity. After you’ll are done, make sure you’ll wash up. Women, wash your vaginal opening and vulva and men should wash their penis once they remove the condom. Lastly, make sure you dispose of the condom properly. Do not flush it down the toilet. Throw it in a dustbin wrapped in paper or tissue instead.