7 things to rekindle your libido

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The tips here are not so much about getting more, but getting better. Frequency is not the only measure of libido. Feelings count, too. If you look forward to sex, and feel good about it before, during and after, that is the true measure of whether your libido is healthy. Here’s how to help combat loss of libido.

1. Get physical and boost libido

Take up sport, or go for brisk walks, with or without your partner. If you already walk or run or work out, try challenging yourself just a little bit further, so you feel a sense of accomplishment and vitality. That physical confidence will carry over into sexual confidence.

2. Keep expectations real

It may take the pressure off performance anxiety to bear in mind that not every sexual encounter has to be perfect. If you laugh off moments when things don’t work right, your partner will be more likely to want to experiment the next time around, since it takes some pressure and guilt off her too.

3. Use imagination to fight loss of libido

Exploring your fantasies is now regarded by marriage therapists as a good thing. If you want your partner to share in the joy, you may want to both explore further some of the newer erotic literature and films that include female fantasies as well as male. After you’ve shared yours, ask your partner about her fantasies. If she says she doesn’t have any, don’t stop there. Instead, ask her to name just one thing she has ever wished a man would do to give her pleasure.

4. Build anticipation to combat loss of libido

The idea of spontaneous sex sounds great, however, for anyone with jobs, family and real lives, there just may not be enough hours in the day to wait for the inclination to arise. Instead, turn planning into an opportunity to build anticipation, the way you look forward to going to a football match. Take pleasure in the details – get your partner a little gift, put on your favourite music from the early days, turn off the phones and hire a babysitter to take the children out to a long film so there will be no interruptions.

5. Focus on the whole body to boost libido

For men sexuality tends to be focused disproportionately on the genitals. Focusing on the other erogenous zones can ease performance pressure – and add new pleasure. Where sexual satisfaction is concerned, the shortest distance between two points – from arousal to orgasm – is not necessarily a straight line to the genitals. Take detours along the whole body, for yourself and your partner. Tease and touch and take your time.

6. Talk about what you want to increase libido

Talking is hard in the best of times, but even harder if you have been avoiding sex together and tension is high. So if you can’t talk, get one of the dozens of excellent sex books out there and point to a chapter. Snuggle up and read it together. Look at the pictures, laugh – and let your partner know you’re open to making things better between you.

7. Go out with friends together

Desire feeds on newness. When you go out to a dinner party with other people, you get the chance to see your partner in a fresh light. You remember how interesting and exciting she is – and she gets to see you shine as well. You remember why you were attracted to each other in the first place.

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