1. Watch the Telltale Signs
I’m crushing on you if I touch you for any reason. Other signs: I lean forward when you’re talking or ask you endless questions. The only way to shut me up is to undress me.
2. Extend an Invitation
Make it very clear you want me to spend the night. “Are you staying over?” is not an invite. “Will you spend the night? I can’t wait to wake up with you” is. Offer me a T-shirt, boxer shorts, a toothbrush.
3. Know the Ropes of First-Time Sex
It’s usually a hi-nice-to-meet-you sort of fusion. More groping than soul melding. I’m not overly concerned about whether I’ll have an orgasm, and you shouldn’t be, either.
4. Heed the Rules of FTD
• Flowers on or after the first few dates: too much too soon, and reeking of desperation.
• Flowers anytime after we’ve had sex: welcome, romantic, and thoughtful.
5. And the Rules of STD
If you have herpes or any other STD, you must tell me way before pants are removed.
6. Show, Don’t Tell
If I’m ready for sex, I’ll make sure you know it. And nix the safe-sex conversation. Take out a condom. We know what to do.